Day 5: I Do It!

Dave Hingsberger, at Rolling Around in My Head, blogged last week about how he feels like sometimes he's speaking a different language altogether from most other people - A New Language called "disabled."  Let me preface this by saying the word "disabled" leaves a bad taste in my mouth.  I feel like my daughter has a disability, but truly don't feel that she is in any way disabled.  Just wanted to get that out there.  But that leads into this post. 

Dave tells how people aren't listening to what he is actually saying.  Someone could say, "Let me help you," and when he declines and says he's trying to learn how to do whatever-it-is himself, they seem not to hear that, and carry on trying to "help."  What they're hearing is "I am disabled, please help me."  What they are not hearing is what he's actually saying: "Stop - I need to do this myself."  People mean well.  In misguided, impatient, overbearing, over-zealous, martyristic and selfish sorts of ways.  And this doesn't only apply to the "disabled," (or differently-abled as I prefer) it also applies to children, with or without a disability. 

I do it.

There are a variety of reasons that I do it, not the least of which is that I'm impatient.  I have thingstodoplacestogopeopletosee.  No time to wait as Samantha carefully navigates the staircase, pondering each foothold, perhaps becoming distracted by the cat passing by, making his way in the opposite direction.  Ugh, let me pick you up.  See?  It's so much easier, and faster.  But it served no purpose other than to fulfill my own, very short-term goal.  The longer-term goal would be the confidence and stability Samantha would gain by being allowed to raise her weight from stair to stair, holding on to the railing for support, not to mommy.

One other big reason that I do it is that I (cringe...) ASSUME (oh, how I hate that word) that Samantha can't do something.  That's right.  Making an Ass of U and Me, Samantha.  And you'd think I'd learn the first dozen or so times that You. Showed. Me.  You showed me that you certainly could do it, and didn't need any help, thankyouverymuch.  You pushed me away and said, "I do it!" 

I LOVE this stubborn independent streak that Sammi has.  It's feisty and forceful and does so much to build her self-confidence.  And, after all, isn't that what we really want for our children?  Self-confidence and independence?  That's what will ensure that she can fly.  Go places, do things, make friends, have a productive and fulfilling life.  Granted, she can't always do the things she thinks she can, but she sure can try!  And when she finds herself stuck, she asks for help.  And that's when it's okay to step in, to help her.  And I just need to listen to her.  To actually hear her when she says, "I do it, Mommy."