Pulling it All Together

After dreading this inevitable day, after knowing it occurs with some regularity to all of us at one time or another, it has finally happened to me.  ME! 

I have hit the serious, yet completely easy-to-remedy wall of blog inactivity. 

There have been articles, too numerous to count, that have dissected the whole phenomenon of bloggers starting off long-awaited posts with the sentence, "I know I've been absent for a while..." and I vowed to not be one of them.  And, through the narrow escape on a minor technicality, I really am not, nor do I plan on it.  But it has still happened anyway, kinda. 

I could make excuses until the cows come home, but there are a few very real, valid reasons why.  First and foremost, I've been busy.  Yeah, I know, not really a very good excuse or a reason.  An unfortunate turn of events early in the month just kind of turned me off to doing much of anything.  Work became insanely busy, and I bit off far too many personal projects for me to chew (piano concert, DSANV calendar, Sammi's birthday party, school events and assignments, etc.) at once with deadlines way too close together (hoping I can see through to the end of May, then things should sail smoothly again). 

Then I got in with a few heavily-weighted topics and couldn't figure out in which direction I wanted my blog to go.  All-advocacy-all-the-time, or the continuation of a little bit of both, as I have always done in recent years?  Was there too much pressure coming from too many sides for the former, and if so, would I look bad if I didn't take the bait? 

MaybeIshouldbequietandseeifthepressuresubsidesonitsown... 

Was I feeling lost in the question of advocacy vs. activism?  My discomfort became an inner turmoil, putting the virtual brakes on my ability to see a clear path anymore.

Did I feel any motivation to carry on as before? 

Was my blog just becoming one big brag on my girl and was I risking turning people off?  It feels kind of weird when I post something from our day-to-day, something important to me that I feel should be voiced, and the comments are all praising me or Sammi.  I feel a little uncomfortable, in that I wasn't seeking praise, but in re-reading, it sort of sounds like I was.  Don't get me wrong - those comments are wonderful!  I truly love and treasure them.  But I just hope people don't misunderstand my intentions from the story I've told or the picture I've painted. 

Should I just lay low for a while, see what inspiration comes to me?

Too much.

I took a little break, for the most part.  This will likely be my only post this week.

And here I am.  Still hoping to see the other side of May with a clear plate and some new thoughts.

I'm optimistic.

And did I mention that piano concert?

Spent the last two Saturdays driving to New Jersey for some practice.  It's a 2-piano concert, being played on Steinway grands in a Philadelphia Steinway store's concert space.  Nice thing about 2-pianos is that mistakes are far less obvious.  (*wink*)  Nice thing about the passage of the last 27 years between my last recital and this one is my lack of fear, lack of self-consciousness, and boundless enthusiasm for the challenge of pulling it all together and re-kindling my love of piano. 

One day, my blog will take a similar turn.  Not like I want a 27-year break, but I would love to see that lack of fear, lack of self-consciousness and boundless enthusiasm grow as I  grow and mature.  To be able to create something that flows from my brain into my fingers effortlessly, and with some modicum of success.