Monday, April 29, 2013

Pulling it All Together

After dreading this inevitable day, after knowing it occurs with some regularity to all of us at one time or another, it has finally happened to me.  ME! 

I have hit the serious, yet completely easy-to-remedy wall of blog inactivity

There have been articles, too numerous to count, that have dissected the whole phenomenon of bloggers starting off long-awaited posts with the sentence, "I know I've been absent for a while..." and I vowed to not be one of them.  And, through the narrow escape on a minor technicality, I really am not, nor do I plan on it.  But it has still happened anyway, kinda. 

I could make excuses until the cows come home, but there are a few very real, valid reasons why.  First and foremost, I've been busy.  Yeah, I know, not really a very good excuse or a reason.  An unfortunate turn of events early in the month just kind of turned me off to doing much of anything.  Work became insanely busy, and I bit off far too many personal projects for me to chew (piano concert, DSANV calendar, Sammi's birthday party, school events and assignments, etc.) at once with deadlines way too close together (hoping I can see through to the end of May, then things should sail smoothly again). 

Then I got in with a few heavily-weighted topics and couldn't figure out in which direction I wanted my blog to go.  All-advocacy-all-the-time, or the continuation of a little bit of both, as I have always done in recent years?  Was there too much pressure coming from too many sides for the former, and if so, would I look bad if I didn't take the bait? 

MaybeIshouldbequietandseeifthepressuresubsidesonitsown... 

Was I feeling lost in the question of advocacy vs. activism?  My discomfort became an inner turmoil, putting the virtual brakes on my ability to see a clear path anymore.

Did I feel any motivation to carry on as before? 

Was my blog just becoming one big brag on my girl and was I risking turning people off?  It feels kind of weird when I post something from our day-to-day, something important to me that I feel should be voiced, and the comments are all praising me or Sammi.  I feel a little uncomfortable, in that I wasn't seeking praise, but in re-reading, it sort of sounds like I was.  Don't get me wrong - those comments are wonderful!  I truly love and treasure them.  But I just hope people don't misunderstand my intentions from the story I've told or the picture I've painted. 

Should I just lay low for a while, see what inspiration comes to me?

Too much.

I took a little break, for the most part.  This will likely be my only post this week.

And here I am.  Still hoping to see the other side of May with a clear plate and some new thoughts.

I'm optimistic.

And did I mention that piano concert?

Spent the last two Saturdays driving to New Jersey for some practice.  It's a 2-piano concert, being played on Steinway grands in a Philadelphia Steinway store's concert space.  Nice thing about 2-pianos is that mistakes are far less obvious.  (*wink*)  Nice thing about the passage of the last 27 years between my last recital and this one is my lack of fear, lack of self-consciousness, and boundless enthusiasm for the challenge of pulling it all together and re-kindling my love of piano. 

One day, my blog will take a similar turn.  Not like I want a 27-year break, but I would love to see that lack of fear, lack of self-consciousness and boundless enthusiasm grow as grow and mature.  To be able to create something that flows from my brain into my fingers effortlessly, and with some modicum of success.

        

8 comments:

Laura said...

It is good to take a break now and then! You'll feel refreshed and ready to start writing again soon!

e.Beth said...

is your piano concert in philadelphia? when?

Kelli Denman said...

I just found your blog. We adopted a DS girl who is now 18 mos old. I ENJOY reading "real life" things, to see what other kids are doing, whether you are bragging or not I don't care, it gives me ideas and it gives me hope. Advocacy is also very important, but I wouldn't read a blog of all activism all the time... I can't change the world right now, I just want to be there for my kids. I hope you continue your blog as I have enjoyed reading it, and I love the pix. DS kids are the CUTEST...

Lisa said...

I'm in the same place but my break has been much longer than yours! I just checked and I'm about to hit the one month mark with no post for the exact reason that I don't want to start off with excuses and I'm too busy to think beyond that!

Jenny said...

I totally agree with Laura's comment. It is refreshing to take a break now and then and just clear your head.
And for the record, I love it when people blog about simple everyday things...Russell is only three and I still need to see glimpses into the future now and then. So I really appreciate when Moms share that little stuff that their child is doing and what they are accomplishing.
Also, I do not enjoy reading blogs that are straight advocacy. I don't like being preached to about what we should all view as important and what we should all be doing in regards to making this world better for our children. Everyone should blog the way they feel makes them happiest, and there should not be pressure to blog on certain topics just because everyone else is. To each their own.

Kerri Ames said...

Well you know I love your blog, and that is just not blowing sunshine! But I totally understand taking a break. Even if it means learning from you.

meriah said...

That feeling of moving along your happy path and hitting a fork that seems to be a divide (or cross?) between activism and advocacy: boy, do I understand.

I hope I'm speaking for everyone in saying what's true for me: you are always going to be loved no matter what you post, because you have a beautiful heart and that's really clear.

Just wanted to say that, because you are dear to me.

Anonymous said...

Oh, Becca, I LOVE reading about your and Sammi's adventures! That's why I keep coming back to your blog. :)