Day 27: Believing In Yourselves (Revised)

In my brief and fleeting moment of blog-reading at work yesterday, hunched over my overflowing desk while scarfing down a slice of pizza for lunch left over from an earlier meeting (not mine), I came across some interesting , insightful information on We Can Do All Things.  It was reprinted from a forum by Dr. James MacDonald, and is about empowering parents to stay in control of their child's development, and to help to educate the professionals about their child.  It's quite good, and there are many parts of it that I think parents should bear in mind. 

Now before I post what he'd written, let me just say that I originally posted this (this is a revised version) thinking that Dr. MacDonald was a minister, and his website was pretty heavily religion-based.  Of course that kind of thing generally has me running in the opposite direction, pretty much as fast as my out-of-shape legs can carry me, but to be honest, there was nothing in this writing that referenced religion, nor did it imply faith in anyone but yourselves as parents of children with a disability or delay.  However, I, having looked at the wrong James MacDonald website (hehehehe), have now been set straight by Sandy, who'd posted it yesterday, and I see that the Dr. James MacDonald who wrote what's below is not the James MacDonald, minister.  LOL  The right Dr. MacDonald has a fantastic website called Communicating Partners which, I, now that I've looked at it, will now implore you to all take a look at, as it focuses on being parental partners with therapists, etc. for our children with Ds or Autism. 

Ah, that's what I get for doing a random web search, right?  But whew, I feel much better now.  :-)

I was initially blown away by it, but as I read it a little bit more closely, I became a bit concerned that it gave some negative blanket statements and implied that the professionals we have working with our children are, to put it simply, bad.  Which is defiinitely not always the case, and I'm a little worried that this could put some parents on the defensive with these important partners in their child's development, when there really still needs to be an element of trust.  But if you can look past those statements and implications, I loved that it puts power into the parents to be the primary teachers and guides through our children's lives.  We can't expect that our kids will learn everything from others.  And that, is most definitely true, and a very important lesson to remember.  Your thoughts?

Here's the post:

Believe in yourself more than professionals!

I say further that you need to do what evaluators only rarely do--and that is focus on what the child can do.

Professionals often seem to think that to justify their job they need
to identify all kinds of mistakes your child makes.

I claim that your child does not make mistakes, they are developmental growth steps.

Professionals would go much further with our children if they would take a developmental approach by identifying what the child can do and have him do more of that.

Stop putting yourself down because you have a child doing less than same-aged peers.

That does not make him wrong, and it does not make you wrong. How often do you feel wrong when someone accuses your child of being wrong???

Don't be blown away by negative evaluations any more than
if someone said you have the wrong kind of car, or dress or house.

Be proud of what you have done for yourself.  That will help your child be proud of what he can do. 

If he is not proud, he will do less and believe less in himself.

Realize your child is learning from you all the time and he is learning much more than what you say or try to teach him, he learns how to believe and think by watching you.

STOP BELIEVING PROFESSIONALS KNOW MORE THAN YOU DO ABOUT YOUR CHILD.

THEY DO NOT. 

In fact they cannot know who your child is and what he does and can do unless they watch him with you and get a thorough report on what he does at home.

Also, professionals are usually asking the wrong questions. 

They seldom know much about early development and what children need to do before they're in school.

Skills such as social play, imitation, turntaking, deliberate communication, initiating, responding, listening, and many others are seldom evaluated and yet they are the keys to learning and communicating. 

Realize that you often buy into a system that is keeping your child down.  Start seeing how and when you are doing that, such as when you push your child to do things he is not ready for, or making him avoid you and others by acting in ways he cannot try to do.

Be more focused on what your child can do and get him to do it more.  At the same time, focus on what you do when he is performing well - keep doing it.

Be sure he is your partner more than your student.

Begin to be convinced the your child is your responsibility much more than the 5-26 professional who will flit by him and see only pieces of his real development.

And ask yourself: WHOSE CHILD IS HE OR SHE ANYWAY?

We often act as though our children belong to the professionals and we give them away.  Please do not give your child to people who focus on the negative! 

Why do you think I have focused my 37 years of work on parents? They - you - are the answer.

Dr. J