Bittersweet

I really don't have anything today (ummm...I just finished writing this post and realize I had an awful lot more than I thought I did when I started!), but I do have a bit of a growing feeling of anxiety.  It didn't really hit me until lastnight that Samantha is about to graduate preschool.  She started school at 2 yrs. 3 mos., an event that was anxiety-provoking in itself, and I'm finding it hard to believe that it's over, and we're about to head into The Big Time.  Is she ready?  I just don't know.  But I will say, and Steve and I have talked about this plenty, that if she struggles and we feel the need to hold her back a year, at least it will be to repeat a more academic year, rather than preschool.  I do feel she's outgrown that environment, at least in the public school system.  So Bring It On!!!

Tomorrow is the first of two preschool graduations for her.  Her 2-day-per-week private Junior K class is doing a presentation tomorrow afternoon.  I doubt she'll participate (she still shuts down in group activities), but it should still be fun.  I hope.  Or maybe it won't be...I'll have to keep an eye on her for signs of over-stimulation (like a fit of crying - think that'll be obvious enough?) when there's a crowd of children and a crowd of parents all watching what they're doing... 

Monday is the graduation from her public preschool.  I think this one will be harder on me, as she's been there for so long, or at least in the system for so long.  This one is more for real to me.  I guess I should take tissues, huh?  Sure, there's still a summer full of school ahead of us (5 weeks of 3-day/week public summer school and a whole summer of 2-day/week private school), but she's still technically done.

I hope this doesn't come across as whining or anything, and I know I have said time and again that I wouldn't compare Samantha to other kids, but I have to recount this conversation between two typical 5 year old girls at the birthday party Sammi went to last weekend:

Girl 1 (pointing to a little boy standing nearby):  "So, is that your boyfriend?"
Girl 2:  "Yep."
Girl 1:  "I wish I had a boyfriend."

Moments later, upon hearing the song that started coming out of the speakers, one girl squealed, "Oooh, Justin Bieber!!  C'mon, let's go dance to Justin Bieber!"

When did 4 and 5 year olds become teenagers, anyway?  When they say that the child with Ds will stay a child longer, I know this to be true.  Do I mind that?  Not really.  But I do want my child to be able to maintain a typical peer friend-base.  When they say that the developmental gap becomes more and more apparent as the child ages, I know this now to be true, as well.  Not having exposure to typical development on a daily basis definitely puts me at a bit of a disadvantage.  What I think is so "typical" of Samantha's development, really isn't.  But I generally don't know that until I face it head-on in these situations.

At the playground last week, a woman stood next to me, watching her little boy play on the climbers.  Samantha was playing on the slide.  She said, "Oh, she's very tall!  How old is she?"  I responded that she was 5.  I could almost feel her wishing to retract her previous statement as she said, with a slightly flatter affect, "Oh, yes, she is tall."  For a 3 year old.  Sure, she didn't say that, but I'm sure she was thinking it.  And I completely understand.  Doesn't make it any less difficult, but I do understand.

Kindergarten will probably be a reality check.  And again, I'm not whining, I'm just thinking out loud like usual (remember when I said I liked to hear myself think?).  I have no doubt Samantha will do well, for Samantha.  I think her biggest roadblocks are in dealing with transition and group participation.  Sheesh, if she could get past those...  I don't even know where to start.