Monday, December 20, 2010

Sad Time of Year

I feel a little bit silly saying this, but at 5 days before Christmas, I'm a bit sad.  Not sad in the usual melancholy way people can get at this time of year (seasonal affective disorders, missing family, etc.), but sad because it's almost over


It hasn't even come yet, and it's almost over in my mind.  I've shopped, wrapped presents, helped decorate the house, baked, visited Santa, listened to Christmas music ad nauseum, you name it...and I've loved every minute of it.  I'm not sure if it's different this year over past years, but it kind of feels like it.  I guess it's because Samantha has been able to help and participate more this year than in any of her previous four Christmases (oh, holy cow, is this seriously her 5th Christmas???).  Not like she's all that helpful in baking cookies, but she thinks she is, and just the fact that I got 5 minutes of pouring and stirring out of her and another 5 minutes of her just watching and being interested (and sticking her hand into the batter bowl to grab some nice, sweet, buttery goo) was enough for me to say she helped.  And it was wonderful.  Her appreciation of brilliant holiday lights, of colorfully wrapped presents and of the soft and silent falling snow has warmed my heart beyond any possible description.

We had a beautiful moment the other night.  The fire was lit, Christmas music was playing, the tree was twinkling, Steve was wrapping presents, and Samantha was standing on a stool in the kitchen attempting to sprinkle (read:  pour uncontrollably) rainbow sprinkles onto a mushy raw batch of green Christmas tree cookies, giggling as she did.  So many things to come together at once, one brief moment as a Norman Rockwell confection.  I know there will be many more such moments, if not this year, then the next, or the one after that, or the one after that. 

Just 5 more days.  The joys of waking on Christmas morning and seeing a child's eyes light up as she discovers that Santa has been here (as evidenced by cookie crumbs, an empty glass of milk, and some presents sitting at the foot of her bed) will be upon us.  The lamb and potatoes will be roasting in the oven, company will come, and wine will flow.  For a few hours we can prolong the experience.  Then everyone will go home, we'll clean up, and it'll be over for another year. 

At least we get to keep the decorations up for a few more days, and we'll have new memories of the best Christmas yet.

That's something, right?


Zoey's mom said...

That is most definitely a BIG something and you know I have the same feeling as you.I look at the boys opening the Advent box and the doors are almost all open ... just 5 left,when it seems like yesterday I had just set it out.I LOVE this time of year.Rich in our traditions,now watching one of our older girls begin the same ones with their little one ... pure joy.

So for the next 5 days,I,like you will hold tight to the fleeting days.Watch and listen as the boys talk in whispers of the coming of Santa.I will soak in the beauty of this moment and dream about all the miraculous ones to come.

Sending you peace today on your sad day.

Runningmama said...

You are so not alone on this one...I tell my husband all the time that Halloween is actually my favorite holiday because it means Christmas isn't close to being over yet!

Cathleen said...

Love it. And glad that I'm not the only one who is head-over-heels almost obsessively loving all the little things that our beautiful girls are doing. Wish I could bottle up their magic somehow. But each time I think things can't get more precious at whatever age, it gets better and better. And personally, I can't wait for the year when Lilly can make ME some Christmas cookies all on her own! :)

Lacey said...

Even though I haven't been as into Christmas as normal, I feel the same way. Driving around looking at lights with the boys, getting a jamba juice. Snuggling with a movie at night. Love it!

Anonymous said...

Sigh...the way you write makes me see and feel everything so clearly.

RobMonroe said...

Maybe make a monthly routine of baking cookies with Sammi? You can get cookie cutters for each month (snowflakes, hearts, shamrocks, flowers...)

I love watching Christmas through Abby's eyes. Every.single.time we go out after dark she gets excited about the exact same Christmas lights we saw two days earlier. I love it.

kecia said...

I TOTALLY agree with you! I have been feeling the same way!

JRS said...

Too tired to say much more than I loved this post and agree fully. Glad you got her baking with you. Such fun!

Lacey said...

I tried to leave a message on your new post and it said the comments have been disabled. I hope you didn't get a nasty comment. How great that you got to help a family in need. We did the angel tree a couple of times. But i really like to meet the families in person, and hand gifts over personally!