Monday, April 26, 2010

Visions Debunked

Feeling a little nostalgic here, as Samantha's 4th birthday approaches, so please bear with me...

Roughly 4 ½ years ago, while I was pregnant, Steve and I went up to a Philly suburb to visit some friends. We hadn’t been up there in many years, after having lived there for a while, and things had changed a bit. As we sat in the local neighborhood hangout bar eating dinner, one of the barmen, who had been there for a very long time, sat at a table near us, having dinner with his 8 or 9 year old daughter who hadn’t existed when we had last visited. I couldn’t help staring, as the dynamic between the two of them was so captivating. Here was a beautiful little girl wearing a soccer uniform after having obviously just finished a game, her hair in two long braids down her back. They were engrossed in conversation. I couldn’t wait to have the same sort of moments with my daughter, and fantasized about what she would be like at that age.

When Samantha was born and we received the diagnosis, that moment was one of the things I mourned almost immediately. Sounds funny that that would have popped into my mind at that time, but it goes to show what an impression it made on me. It had become almost mythical, and I began to think that it would remain a myth.

Another vision that I felt would forever be fantasy was of being able to travel with Sammi, and to see her excited at the things we were seeing, the places we were going. I pictured myself standing in London’s Tate Gallery, a child-sized adult holding onto my shirttail, staring at the floor, no feelings one way or another about the beauty we were standing before.

Now here we are, preparing to take our second overseas vacation with Samantha. While she is not even 4 years old yet, I already see how my preconceptions have been destroyed, crushed, decimated, gone forever. Happily. My little girl, with her almost backside-length hair, often styled into two braids ala the little girl of my dreams, is turning out to be pretty good with a soccer ball. And she’s becoming a heck of a conversationalist. I can imagine her next week, in the cobbled streets of ancient York, saying, “Oh, pretty church!” and meaning it. She already talks about going to “Iglid” on an airplane to visit Nana. I do understand that a greater appreciation will come later, as she gets older, but the foundation has been set. She has already shattered the panic-filled myths in my head from four years ago.

Not the first, not the last. I know I’ve mentioned some of this before, and will probably have many more posts about this over the upcoming years as Sammi grows, learns and continues to amaze me.

10 comments:

RobMonroe said...

Glad perspective has changed. Excited for your trip!

Amber said...

I love it! such an encouragement and reminder for all of us. I want to hear her say it!
So, so cute!

B. McKenzie said...

Thanks for this post. It was encouraging for me to read as I too worry about those sorts of things for Jack..he is only 10 months old now. Keep writing! And I can't wait to see pictures of your travels as a family :)

Chromosomally Enhanced said...

nice...and thank you...i have this thought EVERYTIME I see a mother and daughter together...walking a grocery cart and talking...I want this! I mourned this...but I am kind of seeing I will have this!! we have to have hope...thank you for the great post! smiles

tekeal said...

are you coming close to switzerland??

Tracy said...

Ahh, those darn preconceived ideas that filled our heads as we try to wrap our minds around our "new" begining. I remember my big one was having a 5 year old in diapers! We all have them. It's so refreshing to know that that is not how it really is. Once again, it just goes to show that they are more alike than different. Have a fantastic trip! I must admit, I am a little jealous! Kisses to Sammi, plz.

Lisa said...

Samantha is gorgeous... and I love your perspective :)

stephanie said...

Our kids are so stinkin' awesome!
They'll be teaching us and showing us and painting incredible memories for us, for the rest of our lives!

Sounds like a heck of trip... ENJOY the conversation!
Hugs!!

Cindy said...

I loved your post.

I think we've all had moments that become etched into our hearts and minds. Dreams lost, but later realized.

Beth's youngest sister leaves tomorrow for London. Her first time visiting there. We'll be praying for a safe and happy vacation for you!

Stephanie said...

have a wonderful trip!

Do you have a special needs soccer team where you live? There are two here.