Up Close: A Mother's View

I have a slightly different blog post today, but one that I’m quite excited about. Carole Kitchel Bellew of Bunker Hill Publishing was kind enough to send me a copy of a beautiful new book, Up Close: A Mother’s View, by Fiona Yaron-Field, to review here. I’m definitely not much of a book reviewer, but I can certainly share my thoughts. The world of a new parent of a child with Down syndrome is filled with so many questions, so much searching for the answers about what our child will be like as he or she grows up, how our child will be accepted by his or her peers. Fiona Yaron-Field uses words carefully and sparingly, as poetic accompaniment to striking photographs of her daughter, Ophir, during the first twelve years of her life. Up Close: A Mother’s View is both uplifting and poignant with humorous moments at times, and it gave me the feeling of looking into Samantha’s future and seeing a very full and enjoyable childhood, not that much different from my own. I am now also inspired to try to become a better photographer (either I need a new camera, or I need to re-discover the portrait setting on the one I have, and start cleaning up some of the background noise in my shots…).

I think you would all enjoy this book, and know your coffee tables would thank you. Feel free to post some of this information on your blogs or listserves to let others know about it, too! Up Close: A Mother’s View is hardcover with 144 pages, including 55 photographs (mostly full-page), and retails for $35.00.

Below is an excerpt from the press release, followed by some of the advance praise for the book:

Up Close: A Mother’s View is an extraordinary book of the life of a child with Down Syndrome. With some 50 photographs taken over the first 13 years of her daughter Ophir’s life, and a meditative thoughtful text, Fiona Yaron-Field conveys her moods, reactions, impulses and emotions as a mother. It is a work of great tenderness by a mother about her daughter, about their life together; together and apart, in intimate moments caught silently by the camera, from birth to adolescence.

Her clear lucid words frame the affectionate and unflinching focus of the camera on her her growing daughter’s feelings, attitudes and strong personality.
Their story is emblematic, true of so many mothers and daughters facing the same challenges the world over. It is a story of inspiration and empathy, told in words and photographs of great emotional impact and vision.


"This is a very moving and beautiful piece of work. I find these images and words extremely emotional and full of feeling. Up Close: A Mother's View is just a wonderful book."
Dame Helen Mirren, DBE


A mother, a daughter; ordinary worries, extraordinary worries; ordinary love, extraordinary love. The words and pictures that grace Fiona Yaron-Field's magnificent portrait of her daughter give us a privileged view into one mother's fierce caring and joy for her little girl. And through it we are warmed and reminded of the magnificence of life.
Susie Orbach (author of Fat is a Feminist Issue)


Fiona has been incredibly honest about her feelings towards Ophir in a way that most of us would never have the courage to do. She has managed to capture some amazing images that help the reader to understand something about the bond that exists between them. A fantastic read!
Carol Boys, Director-Down’s Syndrome Assoc.-UK

Fun Day/A Surprising Word

Today was definitely a fun day today for Samantha and me. Renee, Sammi's former PT, hosted a giant playdate at the Old Mine Ranch. Pony rides, loads of sheep to pet, a moon bounce, a sand box (complete with kitty poo from a couple of very sweet little kitties), a hay ride, about 30 preschoolers (including Sammi's classmate Bella!) and lots of space to run around made for a very full and exhausting morning out. Thanks, Renee, for inviting us! It was an absolutely gorgeous day, and it was so nice to be somewhere that Samantha could run around and explore without having to worry about cars, treacherous terrain (with the exception of the occasional pile of bunny poop) or other common hazzards. I do have to worry with her, though, because she can be quite fearless.

I actually bit the overprotective parent bullet today and put Samantha in the moon bounce for the first time. There weren't too many children in there, and all the kids were roughly the same preschooler size, so she was pretty safe. She crawled around happily at first, but with some coaxing I managed to get her to stand up and try walking. She laughed hysterically every time she would tumble over and just got back up again. I was very proud!

Now, about that unusual word... The woman who runs the ranch was very, very nice, and obviously loves what she does. And she does everything! From taking the money to guiding the pony rides to driving the tractor for the hay ride, she seemed to be everywhere at once. The fee to get in is $6.00 per person, with children under two admitted free. Of course Samantha is nearly 2 1/2, so I gave her $12.00 (I remember a thread on one of the Down syndrome message boards a while back about whether or not people lie about their kids' ages to get discounted admissions and wondered what I would do in that situation once Samantha was two. I think I'd have a hard time lying about that anyway, even if I wanted to...). A few hours later, she came up to us and handed me back $6.00, apologizing for having accepted it from me in the first place because "All the handicapped kids get in free." I was so surprised to hear that word ("handicapped", not "free"). Not because it's bad (she was so nice about it, and totally sincere), but because Samantha, in my mind, is so far from being "handicapped" that it's almost laughable. But what is the real difference between "disability" (not such a surprising word) and "handicapped" (a kinda startling word)? I definitely acknowledge that Samantha has a disability. Can any of you differentiate for me? Just to settle my own curiosity. At any rate, I thanked the woman and tried to give her the money back, telling her Samantha had a wonderful time there. It definitely didn't bother me--it just gave me food for thought.

Happy Anniversary, Steve!

Today is Steve’s and my anniversary. I bet you can’t guess how many years we’ve been married! Let’s put it this way, it’s been a LOT. And I love him more and more every year. We are such different people than we were back then, and have grown together in so many ways. The secret? Let him have the remote control. (Just kidding, Steve!! I love you!)

Okay, we’ve been married for 17 years and together for 18. Were any of you even close to guessing (other than those of you who obviously know)? Now, our big secret, which isn’t really a secret any more, is that we were married twice. We got married in England on November 6th, 1991. Steve had never met my family, had never been to the US, had never even been on a plane!! It was pretty impulsive. I’m going to have to post a photo, but I don’t have any scanned in yet. Maybe I’ll update tonight… I wore a short-sleeved vintage black lace dress with crinolines underneath, and had just gotten my down-to-my-waist length extensions re-done. I think I was wearing black boots on my feet, but can’t remember off-hand. Steve wore a multi-color paisley button-down shirt, a black suede waistcoat (vest, to all you Americans), black stretch jeans and cowboy boots. His long, black hair was back in a ponytail. We got married in the local Rugby registry office (Rugby’s a town, by the way, and yes, it is where the game was invented).

A year later, we had a ceremony here in the US, but nobody (other than the minister who married us) knew that we had been married already the year before. We promised her that we’d tell my parents eventually, and settled on the arbitrary date of the birth of our first child to help lessen the shock (okay, okay, we had no idea that the birth of our child wouldn’t be until 15 years later!!). I have to thank my parents for being so gracious upon receiving that news…

Anyway, I did a little bit of memory-lane fact checking to take you all back to 1991 and to put into perspective exactly how long ago 17 years was!

George Bush Senior was President and Dan Quayle was Vice President.
The Soviet Union ceased to exist.
Jamie Lynn Spears was born (ugh).
Freddy Mercury died.
The Gulf War began and ended.
Serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer was arrested.
Pee Wee Herman was arrested (I’ll skip the details).
The World Wide Web is launched to the public (ohhhhhh, now THIS makes me feel old!).
PanAmerican World Airways ended operations (Really? They’re not around anymore?).
The cost of a 1st class stamp was $.25.
Dances With Wolves won the Academy Award for Best Picture.
Nirvana had a hit with “Smells Like Teen Spirit” and the grunge movement took off.
Silence of the Lambs, Beauty and the Beast, JFK and Thelma and Louise were shown in theaters.
The average cost of a movie ticket was $4.21.
There were 7,557,148 cell phone users in 1991, compared to 233,000,000 in 2006.
The Motorola MicroTac Lite cell phone became available for about $1,000.

Now Who (Besides Us) Would Refuse This Child Candy???

Today was a very busy day. I took a half-day off work to go to the National Zoo with Samantha's class. Now, when I talk about Samantha's class, I mean Samantha and Bella. A huge orange bus for two 2-year olds, me, Steve, Bella's mommy, Bella's nurse, the teacher and two aides. Yes, there were 7 adults (plus the bus driver) and two children. And we had a blast! What a fun time! Bella's nurse had never been to a zoo before, so it was almost as much fun showing her the exhibits and the animals as it was showing two rather disinterested, over-tired kids. We got to see the underside of a sleeping panda, a hippo's dental work (or lack/need of), orangutan excrement on the sidewalk (narrowly missing passersby as it fell to the ground from a sky cable to the delight of another school group, I might add), snakes, crocodiles, elephants, prairie dogs, lions and other assorted creatures. Samantha and Bella went in costume, and were just the cutest little kids in the park! Bella was Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz and Sammi, well, you can see Sammi's costume in the photos above.


After work, Samantha got to go trick-or-treating. Last year wasn't as much fun because we had to take her around in her stroller, which was pretty hard to get up and down driveways and doorsteps. This year she walked a bit and conned us into carrying her a bit. And, man, did she score! Little Miss Cutie Pie managed to get people to give her lots of candy, none of them any wiser to the fact that Sammi doesn't eat candy. I hear some of you gasping. Nope, Samantha has never eaten candy. Actually, the only real reason she doesn't is just because we haven't tried. She spent so long not chewing anything that we were always cautious about anything we gave her. So when she did start chewing, candy just never made it onto the menu. Not like we delude ourselves into thinking she'll never eat candy--of course she will. We're just not offering it up right now. Besides, the bulk of the candy she got in her little bucket was peanut-based, and we haven't introduced her to peanuts yet, either (more Reeses cups for me!!!). I think I heard kids should start on peanuts around age 3. And I'm dying to give her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich!!!


On a related note, Samantha had her second dentist appointment last week. She'd had her first right around her first birthday. The dentist was shocked that her teeth are so nice--she kept going on and on about how beautiful her teeth are, and the fact that they're all in, except her 3-year molars which are on their way in (her gums are swollen and Sammi's been grinding a bit lately and chewing her straws back there). I have absoutely no idea how that dentist managed to get her to open her mouth, not only long enough to inspect it, but long enough to clean her teeth, too! Shocking! My little girl keeps on amazing me daily.

The "Typical" Mistake

One of the first things new parents are told is not to compare their child with other children of the same age. Experienced parents, pediatricians and teachers will all say the same thing. Do Not Compare. Each Child Is Different. Each Child Develops Differently. This is especially true for parents of children with disabilities. When our children are born, we are only beginning the learning process. There's so much information to have to take in in such a short period of time, so many worries, so many plans to change and adjust (Holland, anyone?)...the list goes on. It's only natural to compare our children with "typically" developing children, as those are usually our only point of reference for how things "should" be.

Samantha has done very well for herself, since the time she was born. But, that being said, we have no other children to use as a reference and have very little exposure to other kids. This is a good thing! We did our research into Down syndrome and our blank slate outlook has helped us keep open minds about her development and the meeting of milestones. We celebrated when she would reach those milestones ahead of the posted averages.

So I guess I know why I'm still so surprised when I see her with "typical" children her age. Sammi and I had breakfast with my friend, Nicole, and her son, Ryan last week (Nicole, if you're reading this, please don't take this the wrong way--I'm just using you guys as a recent example!). Ryan and Samantha are only 4 1/2 months apart, but the difference is staggering. I left them that day feeling a bit sad, wondering if Samantha would ever speak in sentences, speak words that people other than myself and Steve could understand, be able to sit in the booth at a diner without falling off the bench onto the floor, talk about events that occurred in the past, talk about upcoming events with excitement, etc., etc., etc. When I see her with other kids, I wonder if the hugs and kisses she likes so much to give make her unusual. The "WTH!?!" reactions that the other kids have make me wonder if her affection is in part due to the extra chromosome (and a lack of boundaries), or if their reactions are just the normal reactions of kids to having a little stranger come up and hug and kiss them. Isn't hugging or kissing normal 2-year old behavior? I have no idea.

*sigh* I need a reality check once in a while, but I think the reality I need to get into my skull isn't the fact that my daughter is not developing at the same pace as "typical" kids; it's that I have to remember that Golden Rule about not comparing children. I know Samantha will do all of those things I was worrying about, but in her own time.

On another note, I LOVE and want Samantha's clothes, and LOVE to dress her. Sometimes I pick out her clothes the night before, just because it's fun.

Tomorrow or Saturday I'll post some pics of Sammi in her Haloween costume. :-)

Another Blog to Follow

I would like to take this moment to introduce you all to the blog of the Hill Family of Northwest Arkansas. The blog is written by Jay, the stay-at-home dad of 3-month old John, who has Down syndrome, and I'm hooked! His posts are insightful and beautifully written, and he has an incredibly wise view of his son's diagnosis for someone so new to this journey. Today's post is about unconditional love, something we all know so well. Jay, I hope you don't mind me highlighting your blog here!

Happy Birthday, Landon!

Nothing too much to say, but I love kids' birthday parties and wanted to share some photos from Sammi's friend, Landon's party yesterday (today's his actual birthday--Happy Birthday, Landon!). They played really well together, and tucked into some really, really yummy cupcakes from Georgetown Cupcake. Incidentally, Landon's daddy, CJ, waited in a line out the door and down the street to get those cupcakes!